I researched and gathered some Facts about Cheating i think couples and partners Should Know About. Cheating or Infidelity is one of the gravest offences encountered in a normal relationship .It’s a topic caught up in a lot of smokes and screens. If i smile at the waiter as she gets me my bill and tell her how nice she’s been all night, i have flirted but have i cheated? If the cable guy’s locally ripped body gets me all tingly and uncomfortable, have i cheated emotionally on my hubby? How about that close colleague at work that the only thing keeping you both from getting physical is the sight of the ring on your finger?
Over the years, amazing facts and insights have come to the limelight on Infidelity but i had to bring this down to an African level. I have spoken to over 200 couples within the age ranges of 25 to 70 over the course of my very young career as a counselor and psychotherapist in waiting. Here are some of the insights i have been able to arrive at as it regards infidelity from research and personal surveys. I may not be 100 percent accurate as to why people react this way but but i can assure you it’s above 60% correct.
FELLAZ, YOU MAY CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE IF YOU DEPEND ON THEM FINANCIALLY
This point is something that concerns the men more than the women. A man who financially depends in part or completely on his spouse is 30% more likely to cheat on her than women. Women are only 5% likely. This is an important fact to take note of especially in African economies where the standards of living keep nose-diving on a daily. Job losses are also a constant and affected families are forced to re-adjust their family life.This adjustment is harder for the men. Now below is a point that i found interesting while researching.
Men are less likely to cheat the more money they make relative to their spouse — until they bring in 70% of the household income, at which point they become more likely to cheat again.Women are also less likely to cheat the more money they make relative to their spouse — but their cheating rates don’t seem to go up at any point.
I believe the men who cheat may be experiencing some conflict with their natural roles as provider and their present reality of dependence. Once a conflict arises within, constant validation, encouragement and re-assurance becomes necessary from wives or female partners. Unfortunately in most relationships in this situation, the women are caught up passionately pursuing and achieving and sometimes forget to render this service.
The down side about validation is that if it isn’t given, the one in need will actively seek it out from friends, family or sadly from another willing to take on the job.
FLIRTING MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO BOTH OF YOU
This is an act we see everyday across Africa and the world over. Harmless as it seems, it’s fast becoming a serious issue. A report published in the Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes journal mid-2008 showed that Men who flirt with an attractive person of the opposite sex,become less tolerant of their partners mistakes BUT for women, they became more tolerant after they flirted with someone else.
Research says there a basically 6 reasons people flirt and this is
* Sex: A need to sleep with the other party
* Fun: It’s a sport
* Exploring: Gauging what a relationship with party 2 could be like
* Relational: Improving the intimacy of an existing relationship
* Esteem: Helps ones self-esteem
* Instrumental: When some other party needs to get something from you (ouch!)
THE SEX OF WHO MY PARTNER CHEATS WITH MATTERS
When speaking to client’s who had been cheated on by a partner, i noticed a pattern. Men who their wives cheated on with another man felt angry but in those colorful cases where the woman cheated on him with another woman, they “claimed” to be angry but on further observation and discussion, it turned out they were aroused and wished they could have angry sex with the other woman with their spouse watching 🤤.
BAD PEOPLE ARE CHEATING EVERYWHERE – EXCEPT OUR PARTNER
Suddenly some nudes leak into the internet about this married man or woman caught pants down! Gosh! How stupid could they have been recording something that they knew was so wrong? You and your spouse throw ideas around analyzing this situation on a mistake by two dumb people.
Let me tell you a little secret about dumb. Everyone else is dumb until the day your emotions rage against you and you also get your little badge of
– Temple Obike
Did you know that the average human (imam, pastor, banker, judge, pope, counselor) has a 42% chance of cheating on their partner. Feel free to expand the list. So next time you want to judge some other persons partner for cheating, simply understand that the only reason you are still not part of the “dumb” crowd is because your price hasn’t been mentioned. The price isn’t always money but in some cases, it is.
For most couples, they believe that their partners were committed but when asked for a likely percent of the probability their partners may have strayed, 5% said their partners may have cheated, 12% said they would cheat in the future and 22% said they had already strayed.
STRAIGHT WOMEN HATE EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY, STRAIGHT MEN DESPISE SEXUAL INFIDELITY
Most straight men said it was more upsetting when they discovered their partner had a sexual relationship with someone else but wasn’t in love with them. Straight women on the other hand said they’d be more upset if their partner had fallen in love with someone else even if they HAVE NOT had sex.😲
I guess this further buttressed the point that males were a lot into logic and females more in tune with their emotions.
A MAN’s MILESTONE BIRTHDAY MIGHT BE A TRIGGER FOR INFIDELITY
I stumbled on a research conducted with some members of the Ashley Madison dating site. This site was for people who are already in relationships meaning it was the adulterers haven.Some fascinating patterns emerged. Men studied were more likely to seek extramarital affairs when their age ends in the number nine.
So a few months before 30, 40 or 50 posed a greater chance of men trying to find meaning in life by having a relationship with someone who isn’t their partner. For women it also happened but to a lesser degree.
WOMEN ARE NOW AS LIKELY TO CHEAT A MEN
After handling over 200 infidelity cases in relationships, i agreed with an “Archives of Sexual Behavior” journal that looks at sexual behavior in different countries. On an average there was a 38% likelihood that your wife or girl was going to cheat on you.
In most of the infidelity cases involving women, 30% of them were emotionally cheating, 28% had been physical with the other party without intercourse, a staggering 23% had had intercourse and the rest were really contemplating on beginning one.
EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS ARE MORE COMMON NOW THAN YOU KNOW
According to respondents in an in-house survey, 42% of men and 30% of women have admitted to having an emotional affair. That’s a lot more than the 28% of people who admit to having a physical affair.
Defining an emotional affair might be difficult but i’ll try localizing it. It’s that moment when you have feelings for someone who reciprocates but nothing physical has yet happened. It’s a difficult phenomenon but i can tell you two (2) ways how to know if your partner is having one. The first is if they always hint at how your relationship may just end and secondly, if they get defensive when you ask them about some friend or someone that requires clarifying.
CHEATING DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN YOUR PARTNER HAS LOST INTEREST IN YOU
Yes i know this may come as a shock to many but i’d like to clear the air here. Men and women cheat for various other reasons that are no way associated with a lack of interest in their present relationship. A majority of affairs happened because;
A)The home environment was too hostile and the other half stayed out longer than necessary not considering their vulnerable state
B)A spouse felt un-appreciated by their other half and suddenly gets attention from an external who engages them on an exciting level.
C)The better half feels support from some external party that validates their skills, brilliance, beauty, dress sense etc.
…and so much more. Infidelity doen NOT always mark the end of a relationship. In some cases, it’s the beginning of something deeper especially finding out that a partners mistakes came about from slight or severe negligence.
IF YOU’VE CHEATED BEFORE, YOU MAY CHEAT AGAIN
It’s interesting to say that partners who had been unfaithful in their first relationship were three times more likely to be unfaithful in the second, compared to people who hadn’t reported infidelity.
Interestingly, participants who had reported that their first partner had cheated on them were twice as likely to report that their second partner had cheated on them.
As always, i hope this piece helped someone somewhere. Knowing these facts about infidelity may well give you a deeper understanding of yourself. Knowledge they say is power but i say in it’s right application lies real mastery.
Written by Obike Temple
A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.
For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.
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