Workplace extramarital affairs are more rampant than we think. In a work environment, sharing accomplishments, risk and intensity can open up new levels of intimacy between colleagues. The long hours put in at the office in close proximity with that colleague does not help either. If these situations aren’t handled properly it could trigger the budding of a work-place affair.
Office Extramarital Affair Facts You Should Know…
After understudying workplace affairs for a period, a pattern began to emerge. Facts that I believe everyone currently involved in or romanticizing with the idea of kicking off an office affair should know.
- 39% of workers had relationships in the office at least once
- 35% have kept an office affair hidden and tried to sort it out even though they knew it affected their work
- 24% are attracted to someone of the opposite sex who had similar jobs
- Office Affairs were most common in the following sectors: Banking & Finance, Hospitality & Leisure, Information Technology, Healthcare, Media/Entertainment and Business Service
Only about 17% of these affairs end in marriage. The other 83% ends in personal, marital and professional problems with far reaching consequences that would be discussed in the real world by ex-colleagues many years later (when they see you). The deciscion to either continue with or end an extramarital office affair is something I totally leave up to you. However this article is for the latter group. The hardest part about having a workplace affair is seeing each other after you have decided to end things with an affair partner. However its not a totally lost cause because there are basic steps you could take to begin correcting this mess.
After being blessed enough to sit with individuals going through the issues associated with an office affair, i am going to give you the quickest way to end an office affair and MAYBE still get to keep your job.
Cut Down The Time Spent Together
You need to start creating some distance between yourself and this affair partner. What you will achieve with this is to gradually bring back the correct work ambience you both enjoyed before the fall (sorry, before the affair began). This is the point you need to start bringing food to the office so you dont need to go to lunch together. When a task has been completed take your belongings and leave. When you end things quick, that is what is considered a real ending. These measures help you quickly bury the relationship. You know everywhere both of you used to bump into each other? the backroom, the cafeteria please avoid all those places when you know they would be there.
Do not expect that these evasion tact’s of yours would be welcome with an understanding nod. Harassment or blackmail might become something they resort to in a bid to get back at you for stopping something made in heaven and breaking their already broken heart. Your job at this point is to quietly gather all the messages, record conversations, take screenshots and then taking it to the company’s HR department. At this point, if your ex-affair partner is a drama king/queen who does not mind losing their job as long as they take you down with them, you have to make a quick deciscion to either get a new job or get transferred to another department/team. If their job is still important to them then you have to let them understand that your lawyer already has the fact file gathered and one other bleep from them would have you filing a harassment lawsuit.
Do Not Beat Around The Subject
Now you have done a good job at avoiding them but somehow they managed to corner you and want an explanation to what is happening. Directly tell them you are done. Do not say it in a way that makes them believe there is still hope of rekindling things with you. Inform them you want to work on your marriage and clearly state that you do not want them contacting you. This saves you loads of texts, chats, emails or phone calls on the subject. At this point, if your spouse has found out about this affair a well written break-up letter will help them stay in the loop on how things are going and shows your seriousness towards ending the affair.
Do not Allow Them Contact You Again (discard every memorabilia)
When you are having an affair Adrenaline and serotonin are two basic hormones pumping through your veins. One takes care of the pleasure and the other handles the edgy feel. This is somewhat similar to what keeps an addict constantly in a loop. This is the point you must inform your spouse that they tried to initiate contact. Having an accountability partner works at this point. If your spouse is not aware simply get a professional therapist bound by client confidentiality agreements to help you navigate this period. This is the point you limit contact via phone, personal email, social networks or otherwise, and also blocking future messages. If they got you anything burn it or give it away. This steps will help you break the urge to want to go back.
Sort Out What’s Missing in Your Marriage
Now that you have been able to cut yourself off and maintain the discipline to sustain those decisions of yours, this is the time to work on your marriage with your spouse. My workbook on Affair recovery could help at this point because the thing your partner wants to know is not “How sorry you are”. They first want you to answer the question why. The time for apologies will come but its not the main thing. Communication must be worked on reflections around what you did wrong must happen. Then seek out a professional marriage therapist around you to assist the both of you at this point. If your partner on the other hand is not aware of the affair , then you have to make the big deciscion of informing your partner about what you did or not. If you finally decide not to tell your partner you have to be sure the reasons behind that deciscion is properly vetted because if it isn’t that could become the springboard for another affair.
Research has shown that when you confess to having had an affair a third of many relationships survive infidelity but when you have been caught it’s usually harder rebuilding trust and getting to the point of forgiveness.
To anyone out there struggling with similar issues my general advice is always this. If you feel an attraction to someone in your office, consider a transfer to a different department, a different position, or maybe you should quit. No job is more valuable than your marriage. Being honest with yourself is the first starting point. If you’re dressing real nice to catch the attention of a co-worker, you better stop before you lose it totally. Hanging around the office common areas hoping to bump into that person does not help either. Not only is it cheap especially if its just a fling for the other person its just downright wrong. If your spouse was there you would definitely not be doing all of that. That is your first boundary. Secondly if there are issues with you and your spouse and maybe you feel a bit justified doing what you’re doing, then use a spiritual boundary, If God was in front of you, would you be doing this? If this does not stop you either then my brother, my sister i drop my case. Whatever you have to hide or lie about, don’t do it at all.
This may not have been the most exciting of articles especially if you are caught up in a situation-ship as they call it at you workplace. However i just told you everything you need to help you navigate this affair and come out clean without losing your job or your home. If you’d like to let us know how this went for you, feel free to contact us via email.