Today we will be talking about a topic “How admiration turns to envy and jealousy” i believe many of you can relate with because you may either be a victim of Envy or the one envious of someone else. If you belong to any of the categories, this article is aimed at helping you navigate this emotion. Envy is a strong emotion that can easily over-power the person who feels it.
“Many couples who have fallen in love now live with partners who went from a place of admiraion for what your partners do, to a point of i can do it too which is a marvelous thing. However many have taken it overboard to a point of envious competition”.
This is something many partners NEVER want to mention because it sounds very twisted to even begin to imagine it in a relationship. Fortunately we are not looking at this emotion from a relationship point of view but rather as it applies to living.
I remember 2 years into my entrepreneurial journey, i made a mistake by asking an individual to co-habit my office space for free as we were both acquaintances to someone i was close to. After a while, i noticed that the individual had gone from a point of admiration to learning more about my line of business. This was okay because they said imitation was the best form of flattery. Unfortunately it was a bit more serious than this. Fast forward one year and i had arrived at a tough place financially where i couldn’t even afford to pay my office rent. The individual was already getting jobs in my line of business and deploying solutions i had spoken to them about in prior years from resources they had saved up before leaving their job. At a point when the owners of the property had sent in a second request for their rent i mentioned this to everyone close to me. The subject came to me 3 days to my deadline and informed me he had gotten an office space and if i didn’t mind, i could come in to take up a spot in his office. Well, i guess the universe itself didn’t want me going down that path and so made enough available through a client that was owing a substantial sum allowing me to not only renew my rent but expand my business.
“That lesson stuck with me for life. However, rather than let it change me negatively, i decided to become more objective and NEVER look at the 30% that people decide to talk about but rather look at the 70% of what they never say, body language, unguarded speech, quick jabs, difficult efforts to appreciate when surprised with good news and so on..”
We want things that we do not have because it’s hard-wired into our psyche. I don’t need anyone to teach me how to want things i just grew up understanding that it was a desire present in me and in everyone else. Human beings have evolved over the ages mostly because of this one tendency that pushes us to want and become more. Wanting things is a desire that i believe can be expressed and sought after or in some cases suppressed and hidden.
When you want something and you are willing to accept that you want it, you get envious (yes thats the root of both go-getting and hating), become motivated to go and achieve it and admire other people who are also on the path to getting it. On the flip-side, there are people who want something another person has but rather than getting motivated to go and work for this get envious, then get jealous,start hating people who are on the path to becoming and in extreme cases resort to aggression (rape, murder, black-mail etc).
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Social media has become the perfect hunting ground for jealous and envious people and celebrities are the new age preys. I will explain this to you.
Hunters – Envy and jealousy are two emotions that show you how much control you have lost over yourself as a human being. So no one ever wants to feel less in control unless they have an avenue to either discreetly show it (aka trolling) or mask their intentions by tapping into other people’s aggression for a subject (commenting in herds).
Prey – We are generally careful of who we allow into our personal space so before we become aware of bad energy targeted towards us, most times admiration is usually the kick-off point and it we most times give legal ground for closeness to people who we discover admire us. Negative energy has to first pass through the gestation periods of admiration, anger, jealousy, envy, resentment and then full-blown hate leading to aggression. Unfortunately Celebs and public figures whose lives are mostly in public domain have already unwillingly given legal grounds to followers who admire them. This shortens the time it takes to go from admiring a celebrity or public figure to out-rightly hating them. Unfortunately, this is a different kind of hate that constantly wants to feed off their essence by still following, unliking their activities, tweeting at them, dropping hate comments etc.
Psychology of Envy and Jealousy
These two emotions envy and admiration, have shockingly been at the root of many success stories. People who have accepted this emotions the moment they felt it and quickly channeled it to goal setting, planning and letting the urge motivate them towards growth and expansion. They turn out as better individuals.
Unfortunately, our levels of self-will differ and this is why any individual who have painfully mastered the art of conquering some frailties in their humanity, owes it to themselves and their creator to assist others in reaching this level of enlightenment. Most individuals that have exactly the same root desires encounter internal resistance that suppresses their will. This blockage is caused by a dis-empowered mindset that begins to whisper “you cannot achieve this”, “you are not qualified to be where they are”, “the moment you try it you will definitely fail”, “what will your friends, family and spouse say when you’ve failed” and many more voices.
The next thing i am going to say is one of the strangest phenomenons of our basic human psychology and i’ll need you to always remember this.
“For some strange reason, once your conscious mind rejects the fact that you indeed felt envious about someone or something, the urge does not go away. Instead it becomes more alive and now buries itself deep within your mind where your sub-conscious becomes it’s new management center. Now that it is far hidden and without any defined boundaries, it is no longer silent envy but becomes Jealousy”.
– Temple Obike
This is a topic i researched and with every material that i’m currently staring at on my desk, i know i cannot afford to finish this topic in one post so decided to make it a two part article. As always, i hope this piece on “How admiration turns to envy and jealousy part 1” helped someone somewhere. Never allow the negative emotion of envy turn you to something or someone else. Instead use it and become better. Knowledge they say is power but i say in it’s right application lies real mastery.
Written by Obike Temple
A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.
For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.
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