Workplace affairs may be easy to begin but it is a whirlwind of concerns that blows you no good.
The dark, exciting and destructive world of workplace affairs
Extramarital office affairs are actually more rampant than you think. With all the recent emergence of sexual misconduct in various professions, i would also want to take you into the dark, exciting yet destructive world of workplace affairs.
Research conducted by the TCMA team in 2018 showed that for every 10 married individuals who had sex at their place of work, 2 ended up speaking out only after they felt they could without fear of repercussions (maybe got a new job). 4 never spoke about it due to shame and 4 did it willingly weaponizing it as a tool for climbing the corporate ladder. – TCMA Research
A Little Story
Hi Sir,
I am a 46 year old engineer, married with 3 kids and i have a great job in Lagos. I’m currently having an office affair with a co-worker and it has negatively eroded my marriage. My coworker and i were placed on the same team where we constantly had to go on site for hours together with other members. The project which is a 20 floor high-rise brought us together and teamwork excelled. What I didn’t notice was that the constant calling and whatsapp interactions had started going outside of work and we would chat about the events of the day until 12 am sometimes. Now we started exchanging comedy videos that became weekend pictures that then became sultry short videos. The site has become a sort of loose ground for me because driving to work through the morning traffic all i can think about is the short sexual encounter anywhere on the site. Its so bad that sometimes either I or my colleague depending on who is ahead would park our cars at a parking lot wait for the other and then continue to the site in one car. I feel like i am being haunted by the memories of the encounters. I’m usually afraid climbing to the barely finished 20th floor but my colleague encourages me to climb. Once I get there and we start having sex the cold wind does something to me and I forget this fear coming down. I am losing myself. I have been a devout practitioner of my faith and never saw myself in this situation. Please how do i stop?
Answer: The first thing that jumps out at me is that you know your job is great. Not many people recognize this. It only takes maturity and a sense of appreciation to acknowledge this sometimes. That cold wind I presume is the fresh ocean breeze. I can only but imagine it from the 20th, that island breeze does wonders on a high-rise. Having to park and wait for the other sounded almost cute. Like two highschool lovers who can’t do without each other. Seeing you have documented your emotions really well and needed encouragement to make the 20th, i would presume you are female as you left out some details that would have been really helpful.
I believe you let your boundaries down. Both emotional and physical. It began with the late conversations. you blurred out the professional lines with that, I believe the emotional lines were blurred with the depth of conversation you allowed. I believe the sharing of intimates wiped out your sexual boundaries. Now the excitement you feel in the mornings and coming down from the 20th is simply you on raw adrenalin and serotonin. Getting haunted by the memories is of two parts, the exciting part that has to do with the cool breeze. This has obviously raised the bar for you in terms of excitement. I can tell you for free that if your partner does not get creative, you sex lives will go up in smoke. The bad part is that this haunting is a feeling thats trying to tell you that sooner or later you will get caught. Lastly, yes you can stop but if you do not know what led you into this colleagues arms you may never be able to truly recover. You can leave this colleague but you may also have other affairs. Please read this piece on understanding affairs . I wish you luck on this journey and if you discover you still need more assistance, a 1-3 month long therapy session with any good therapist near you should help.
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To anyone out there struggling with an office affair my general advice is always this. If you feel an attraction to someone in your office, consider a transfer to a different department, a different position, or maybe you should quit. No job is more valuable than your marriage. Being honest with yourself is the first starting point. If you’re dressing real nice to catch the attention of a co-worker, you better stop before you lose it totally. Hanging around the office common areas hoping to bump into that person does not help either. Not only is it cheap especially if its just a fling for the other person its just downright wrong. If your spouse was there you would definitely not be doing all of that. That is your first boundary. Secondly if there are issues with you and your spouse and maybe you feel a bit justified doing what you’re doing, then use a spiritual boundary, If God was in front of you, would you be doing this? If this does not stop you either then my brother, my sister i drop my case. Whatever you have to hide or lie about, dont do it.
