Why Does My Partner Lie a Lot. Learn How to Handle This.
Remember how as a single person in search of your true love you had a wish-list. At the top of that wish-list you wanted someone who was an excellent storyteller and performer. Someone who could captivate you, make you laugh with elaborate and fantastic stories while being very animated. If you got that in a partner, you are really lucky because your relationship will always be one thrilling ride. However, every coin they say has two sides and the other side of this coin is that all the qualities above are “most times” the characteristics of really good liars.
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Do NOT Mislabel Behaviors
Hold on, before we jump into the colorful world of lies, i would love to inform you that it is very easy to mislabel behaviours. That nervousness or distraction or lack of eye contact may not be signs your spouse is lying. Infact, nonverbal clues to lying can be quite hard to spot and this is different to decipher from person to person.
My advice for couples is this. If you believe your partner is lying to you, rather than playing super detective with them, simply ask for clarification. If you still suspect that you are being lied to, try one of my little decoding tricks and ask questions that will make them tell the story in reverse… It takes an individual with a doctorate in lying to hold on to the epicenter of their lies.
When you are married or in a relationship with someone who lies too much, it can be frustrating. The hurt we feel when being lied to is one of the most indescribable pain points in a relationship. Does your wife/husband lie a lot. Are you wondering if this is a sign of worse things? Read on and learn.
Reason People Lie
As children, we learn to lie as a form of self-defense from shame and scrutiny. The main reason people lie is due to SHAME. When you are ashamed to share something,people lie rather than confront the true scenario of things. Lies could also point towards INSECURITY. When an individual is insecure in their relationship, they tend to lie more.
Lies,Lies and the Various Kinds of Lying
LITTLE WHITE LIES – Lies range from the little white ones all the way to the devastating ones. You have lied to yourself and have told lies at some time or another but the real issue is that lies build up. A little lie needs a slightly bigger lie to cover it up. Liars who discover that this pattern protects them for a short period create more lies to protect themselves.
PATHOLOGICAL LYING – Pathological lying, also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica, is the chronic behavior of compulsive or habitual lying. Unlike telling the occasional white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or getting in trouble, a pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason.
Lying takes on various forms such as a covert lie, cold silence when asked a question, becoming angry rather than talk, leaving out critical information, avoiding necessary communication, saying nothing although they are seriously bothered about something concerning their spouse or not communicating vital information.
One of the major ingredient in marriage is trust, and any marriage or relationship relies on complete trust to survive. Even if it hurts, a person’s mate is entitled to know the person he loves is hurting or having some kind of problem. Otherwise, he is cheated out of an opportunity to help them emotionally. Discovering that the person you love is dishonest affects ones spouse deeply. This is something many find hard to forgive in marriages or relationships.
Some Ways to Spot a Lying Spouse
These may not be 100% sure-fire ways to know if your spouse is lying to you but i have discovered these usually imply that all isn’t well.
- Touching chin, or rubbing their brows
- Crossed arms or legs
- Playing with hair
- A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn’t a warm day
- Saying “no” several times
- Continual denying of accusations
- Being extremely defensive
- Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for
- Inconsistencies in what is being shared
- Body language and facial expressions don’t match what is being said such as saying “no”, but nodding head up and down
- May place a barrier such as a desk or a chair in front of self
- Uncommon calmness
- Unwillingness to touch spouse during a conversation
- Being hesitant
- Slouching posture
- Rigidity or fidgeting
- Differing behaviors such as not acting in the usual way
- Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements
- Partial shrug
- Lack of finger pointing
- Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure
- Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like “um” or “you know”
- Lack of use of contractions. Prefers emphasizing “not” when talking
- Use of word fillers or evasive answers when on the telephone
- Lack of many pronouns while talking
- Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while talking.
How to Save Your Marriage or Relationship from Dishonesty
When you discover your spouse has been lying and you allow this to continue, you are enabling another form of dishonesty. This should be tackled as a first step to restoring trust. I’ve seen many couples who do not want to stir the honet’s nest by confronting a lying spouse. What you do not know is that accepting a lying husband, wife or partner signals the existence of an underlying problem with the partner who accepts this.
As always, i hope this piece helped someone somewhere. Knowing these facts about lies may well give you a deeper understanding of the person you are living with. Knowledge they say is power but i say in it’s right application lies real mastery.
Written by Obike Temple
A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.
For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.
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