Real Talk on Adultery;Betrayal, Cheating, Infidelity & Affairs

The bravest ones among us are the ones who truly are not afraid to confront their problems ( betrayal, cheating, infidelity, affairs) and seek help. In a world where everyone learns news ways to hide their true self even from the people closest to them, these people below are the true heroes. They give their permission to have their stories used (with real identities withheld) as a tool to teach us ALL.

You may not have committed adultery but if you’ve ever looked at someone else who isn’t your spouse and imagined not-so-worthy things, i’m sorry to break it to you, you just cheated emotionally. So let’s all come from a place of humility and learn.

Questions are starting to pour into our emails and this is truly where my happiness lies. Helping you uncover truths that society feels MUST not be spoken. Truths that have been hidden in plain sight up until NOW.

Rachael from Asaba:

Temple Obike i need your advice. I have a boyfriend who i have been dating for 2 years. We are happy and have normal quarrels about certain things but he’s still a really sweet guy. He is faithful to me since we met till now. However, i noticed that around December last year, i started having funny dreams of me sleeping with one of my classmates in school. I am an undergraduate schooling in one of the northern universities. Please i need to know why this is happening and if possible if there is any solution to this. It is now so bad that when i am with my boyfriend, i see his face. I am very afraid because i do not want to loose this relationship or make any foolish mistake.

ANSWER:

My Sister, the day i start pretending to know it all, i would have initiated my own downward spiral. This one is looking a bit like eating bread and banana as something isn’t right. Well, two things. Dreams sometimes are an expression of things we dwell on during our day-to-day activities. Your sub-conscious traps certain thoughts and plays it out during sleep. If you are close to this classmate of yours, you may be more attracted to him than you think. The other point could be more than we see. I don’t know how much of a spiritual person you are and what faith you deal. Your name suggests you are Christian at least so my advice is this. Open your bible and let the entrance of the Word shed light on this scenario. However, all of the advice in the bible i think are for married couples. Reach out to your my office with the number below.

James from Lagos, Nigeria:

Hello Temple, i just found out my wife still chats with her ex-boyfriend who lives outside the country and because of the way things are for me financially at the moment, i suspect he sends her money as i’m struggling to keep afloat at the moment with my family. The messages seem like she has deleted some incriminating ones because the flow is not making sense. Two months ago i came back but did not get into our room immediately. On suddenly opening the door to our room, my wife was naked on the bed taking pictures. We have never shared nude pictures and i am sure she was sending it to someone. This is something i cannot talk to anyone about but i’m really dying slowly and have started an affair with a woman who lives outside Lagos who used to be my neighbor as a single guy. We never had sex prior to now but she knows what i’m passing through and is open to be my shoulder to lean on. Please Help me.

Answer:

James, thanks for the vote of confidence to even reach out to me despite the darkness your caught up in. I’ll have to honestly talk to you without being too blunt. Firstly, your wife talking to her ex may be due to many things which i wouldn’t go into but i will pick two points. When men go through financial or general issues, we unknowingly become cold and sideline our loved ones making them go to people they ordinarily wouldn’t have considered. Secondly, i’m sorry to say that your wife is still pretty much innocent until proven guilty(i.e caught red-handed masturbating on live video with him, or sending untoward messages to him). If you have none of this, you have nothing. Thirdly, an affair will put the nail on your coffin bro. Affairs these days are like having a second family and understand that a woman who has no qualms dating a married man with issues without initial emotional guilt is most likely a “Veteran Shoulder-provider”. Deep waters are what you are in James and you must swim. My advice is this, Sit your wife down and let her know what you are going through, let her into your hustle and sell her the dream again(they love it). Then watch if anything changes. Then let this other woman go in the nicest way possible because she may ruin your last chances of ever getting things right. All you need now is focus and cash-flow not the shoulder. Hope this helped.

Ridwan from Lagos:

Temple bro, i’ve been having more pleasure masturbating than i do making love to madam and this is becoming an issue for me. She’s tried to do everything to put me in the mood recently. I have lied that the issues my boss gives me at the office is the issues affecting my sex life. Now when we pray every morning she is sending fire his way but na me the thing dey burn. What to do bro? Make person no go catch fire one day.

ANSWER:

Haaaha.. Ridwan let me laugh a little bro!! No worries because you are not alone on this. If i may ask, Is madam your wife or a FWB (friend with benefits). If she’s your wife, Both of you need to talk about re-inventing your sex life and spicing things up. Go back to the activities you carried out when you were wooing her and start looking at her like some new babe you have been hunting down (no dis-respect meant ladies. I’m just trying to paint a picture here). That should get your primal juices flowing again for her over time. If shes an FWB, bro you might need to quickly define what you guys have because there is no need working on something that MAY not go anywhere.. You can reach out to me and let’s talk about this.

Anonymous from Abuja:

Temple, i am a 48 year old working class woman whose husband keeps a string of girlfriends. This is something everyone knows about. This affects my self-esteem a lot around my house, my neighborhood and at work. It’s so bad that he dated a youth corper in my office. An office where i’m a director at. He is wealthy and this makes him feel that i or anyone cannot talk to him. This man brought me back from the US where i was working, we got legally married & I am his only wife as i will like to believe. These issues have led me down a path that i’m starting to slip on my job, i am sexually deprived because he rarely has sex with me(which i’m thankful for sometimes lest i get infected with something) but my major worry is that i am starting to take interest in a young man that just joined the work force. He’s been nice, respectful and at least brings out time to even ask how things are with me. The last thing i never imagined myself as is someone’s “Sugar Mummy” but with the way things are going, i don’t know if i can continue like this as i get really funny when i think of this boy or guy. Talk to me sir.

ANSWER:

Dear Anonymous, a problem spoken about is almost solved. A brief point of correction, you are a married, 48 year old working class woman. Your first introduction of yourself shows me that you are allowing someone else’s inappropriateness define who you are.The people who you worry that they know everything about your ordeal are going through their own versions of hell that may be more terrible than yours. Secondly, this young man at the office is a no-no for two reasons. 1)Never kick off a relationship with work colleagues. It never ends well. 2)He’s got young attached to his description for a reason. 90% of young men who taste “mature”(trying to keep it PG) may never stop telling the tales for some time at least and that is the worst thing you need in an office environment where you are top management. This is of course under the assumption that you are the first mature woman he is dating as this may just not be the case.  Lastly, you will feel terrible about yourself afterwards and run the risk of getting caught by the same people whom you have tried to hold your head up high with. I think you should pick up a craft, hobby, register at a gym or learn a new skill. For the young man, you need to politely cut off any excessive closeness with him. You didn’t mention if you both have kids but if you do, simply concentrate on raising the best kids possible as well. You’ll be fine.

Written by Obike Temple

Counselor|Brand-Sage|Entrepreneur

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