My Partner Does Not Post Me on Social Media. Recently I’ve been noticing an uptrend in individuals reaching out because they noticed this trend. Partners were posting about everything in their life on Social Media except them. Could this be an innocent commission or was it something far more deeper and darker? So I had to go through the needle eye on this one.
The fact still remains that while excessively wanting your partner to post you on social media still has a dark side to it (which I will write about next) . It is a valid request as well, especially for relationships that their origins had roots online.
Let’s start from the heart of the matter:
When someone is consistently open about everything else in their life but silent about you, the person they profess to love, it’s not paranoia to raise an eyebrow. It’s discernment.
Humans are narrative-driven beings and what we reveal (or don’t reveal) builds a public perception. So yes, when a man or woman who shares what he eats, where he travels, and how he breathes online suddenly draws the curtain on his romantic life, it demands thoughtful inspection.
One particularly famous response that I’ve heard in different ways is that.
“What people don’t know, they can’t destroy.”
That phrase is often a deflection cloaked in wisdom. While it’s true that discretion protects, it’s selective discretion that raises red flags. If everything else is public but your relationship isn’t, that’s not about privacy rather it’s about compartmentalisation.
So here’s my three somewhat uncomfortable truths about why you may be experiencing this.
Exploring My 3 Plausible Scenarios
Let’s also consider that human behaviour is layered. Here are three distinct possibilities that can coexist with or challenge your current situation:
My Scenario 1: He’s Highly Private About Matters of the Heart
Some individuals, especially those who’ve seen relationships crash and burn under the public eye intentionally keep romantic connections offline.
They may genuinely fear that external validation or intrusion can contaminate what they’re trying to build.
If this is who they truly are, they should apply the same rule to every part of his life. Selective privacy is inconsistent and emotionally unfair.
Indicators this is the case:
- A history of keeping past relationships private.
- Speaks openly with you about their need for emotional boundaries, not just public ones.
- Involves you deeply in their offline life around friends, family, major decisions.
My Scenario 2: They’re Addicted to Social Validation
If they thrive on digital applause—likes, views, admiration—then introducing a committed relationship could “limit” that supply.
Many people, consciously or not, know that romantic affiliation reduces public flirtation currency.
They may fear losing online opposite gender attention or the perception of being “available,” even if they’re technically not cheating.
Indicators this is the case:
- They constantly post curated, attention-grabbing content sometimes “thirst-trapping” in nature .
- They engage in flirtatious or ambiguous interactions in the comments.
- They avoid hard labels like “wife/husband,” “fiancée,” or “taken” in public spaces.
Scenario 3: They Have Secrets the Relationship Would Expose
This is harder to hear, but important to face: They may be entangled elsewhere.
Another relationship. A former engagement they haven’t disclosed. A “situationship” that’s still warm.
Posting you would collapse a structure they’ve spent time building. This is the classic “compartmentaliser”—living several truths at once and praying they don’t collide.
Indicators this is the case:
- They’re evasive about your relationship timeline or history when around others.
- You’ve never met key people in their life.
- You’ve found inconsistencies or unexplained gaps in their stories.
The Often Ignored Scenario: They’re not Confident of What Both of You Have
This is very straight forward and I believe I don’t need to go into much details to explain it. Sad as it is, this is the last reason why many couples do not post their partner on social media. After all, “what’s the use of posting a relationship that is already falling apart” they may say. In other extreme cases, people who also are not proud of their partners as individuals will never post them on social media platforms. I’ve handled a case where a woman mentioned that her husband always looks like “a little chiwawa next to her in pictures because she was taller and had grown bigger that him post child-bearing”… This made her stop putting him up on socials. So I asked her if he was taller or has in more weight when they first got married..she answered “no” on both accounts. Well that was her truth but on close observation and drilling, I came to understand two things ” firstly he was one loaded chiwawa and secondly watching him struggle to lift and move her around during lovemaking sessions made her loathe herself-image”. Well I taught her about “projecting personal insecurities” on others and helped them both walk through it.
The reason I brought up this point is for “YOU” the one reading this who knows you’ve not been giving your partner fair play-time on social media for any of the reasons mentioned. You need to drill down and truly understand there could be much deeper, fundamental reasons than what you think why this isn’t happening.
Final Thought:
If you feel like a secret in a partner’s life who otherwise shouts about everything, you’re not paranoid.
You’re awake and aware.
The question isn’t just why they won’t post you.
It’s why they insist on you understanding it without clarity or compromise.
Have the hard conversation.
Then watch not what they say but rather what tgey do consistently in the next few weeks.
You deserve to be loved loudly if that’s the way you love.
Written by Temple Obike
Licensed marriage and family therapist, trauma expert, and psychotherapist at Temples Counsel and Mind Academy.
